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Jens has succombed to the dark side

Posted by Vorpal_Rally 
Vorpal_Rally
Stinkfinger Lipschitz
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Jens has succombed to the dark side
March 31, 2008 10:48PM
Mansfield CT – In a surprise announcement today, former SCCA ProRally competitor Jens Larsen will drive a fourth Subaru works entry in the Rally America series. “Apparently, they’re gonna let me race with my old permanent number,” states Jens. “Priority number one for us right now is getting the word out that Jens Larsen will be back rallying with a new sponsor, El Cagener energy drink,” says Isabella Cazzate, spokesperson for El Cagener. “Really, it tastes like crap!!” states Jens, “but, they’re footing the bill, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.” “In addition to El Cagener, the team will enjoy associate sponsorship from Dickies work wear & ExxonMobil. “Let’s face it, I love rallying and rallying should love me back,” an exuberant Larsen states. Further, Larsens co driver will be Jarvid Jarman, a relative newcomer to rallying. “On the one hand, he can read a tulip,” states Derek Ringer, Travis Pastrana’s recent co-driver at the 100 Acre Wood rally. Other details will be forthcoming as the team ramps up preparations for the next round of the Rally America 2008 Championship. Larsen adds that Jarvid will be nothing but ballast should he prove unable to keep up with the pace. “Seeing as how good I am, I don’t feel the need for a co-driver, but the rules state I must have one in the car.”, states Jens. Further details will be announced as they become available.



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pikespeakgtx
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 06:27PM
Is it just me or could Jens (is it a dude or chick?) say any more of the wrong things?

1. The energy drink tastes like crap but they're footing the bill.. What the fuck is that? Who would say that about someone that's giving them a free ride? I couldn't help but like shit flavored soda water if they're giving me a free ride.

2. Co-Driver is ballast weight? Come the fuck on and get over your self. No one is that good. Way to start off on the right foot with the person you have to spend the rest of the season sitting next to in the rally car.

3. I love rally so rally should love me? Jens sounds like a spoiled bitch.

If Jens was so good how come I've never heard of him/her? How come there's like 3 hits on google pertaining to Jens Larson and no photos or information if he/she is that Good? Only info I found was Jens Larson had a whooping total of 2 points in the SCCA ProRally championship in the year 2000, a DNF in Maine Rally, and that he/she attended a rally school without a co-driver? (big suprise)







Michael LeCompte
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Brian Johnson
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 07:06PM
Uh, the Jens press release was a joke Michael. It's a fabrication.



-Brian
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john vanlandingham
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 07:25PM
pikespeakgtx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is it just me or could Jens (is it a dude or
> chick?) say any more of the wrong things?
>
> 1. The energy drink tastes like crap but they're
> footing the bill.. What the fuck is that? Who
> would say that about someone that's giving them a
> free ride? I couldn't help but like shit flavored
> soda water if they're giving me a free ride.
>
> 2. Co-Driver is ballast weight? Come the fuck on
> and get over your self. No one is that good. Way
> to start off on the right foot with the person you
> have to spend the rest of the season sitting next
> to in the rally car.
>
> 3. I love rally so rally should love me? Jens
> sounds like a spoiled bitch.
>
> If Jens was so good how come I've never heard of
> him/her? How come there's like 3 hits on google
> pertaining to Jens Larson and no photos or
> information if he/she is that Good? Only info I
> found was Jens Larson had a whooping total of 2
> points in the SCCA ProRally championship in the
> year 2000, a DNF in Maine Rally, and that he/she
> attended a rally school without a co-driver? (big
> suprise)
>

Because everthing Jens ever did happened before every trivial thing was captured on the internet, it happened before 1998, so it doesn't count or mean anything.

If fact there was no history at all before the Internet.
>
>
>






John Vanlandingham
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 07:26PM
Oh word? It was a joke?

So it was meant to be funny?

So now basically I look like an idiot. Cool.




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Brian Johnson
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 07:36PM
:-)



-Brian
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john vanlandingham
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 07:37PM
pikespeakgtx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh word? It was a joke?
>
> So it was meant to be funny?
>
> So now basically I look like an idiot. Cool.

Don't feel bad, it's not the first time.
You should be used to it.

(Says the man who spent half his life wallowing in mud on 4 continents)
>






John Vanlandingham
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BenSlocum
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 08:23PM
Jens is an old school ralliest. Alot of folks don't like what he says, alot of folks do. What ever side you take, he does have alot of insight into the sport, and talks of a time alot of younger ralliest (myself included) may never know personally.



Winningest one-eyed co-driver in Rally America history.
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pikespeakgtx
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 07, 2008 10:52PM
Don't feel bad, it's not the first time.
You should be used to it.

"Dummmer 'en shit"... as Old Farmer Bill Krantz used to say back on the farm.

He also said, A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one.



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Vorpal_Rally
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 08, 2008 08:10PM
pikespeakgtx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Oh word? It was a joke?
>
> So it was meant to be funny?
>
> So now basically I look like an idiot. Cool.
>

I was seriously hoping for a reaction like that, Thank you very much!!!!!

It's oookkkkaaayyy. Actually I took my inspiration from George Plimpton's April Fools Day joke about the baseball player that comes out of nowhere, Sidd Finch. If you take the first letter of each sentence, beginning with the second sentence, it spells April Fool's. Also, Jen's was on a kick for awhile about his old permanent rally number. He hates energy drinks, so google El Caganer sometime. Finally The ExxonMobil is supposed to spoof Jen's call for electric rally cars. The largest oil company in the world sponsors a guy who advocates for alternative fueled vehicles. Oh, he dislikes, SERIOUSLY DISLIKES, Subarus. grinning smiley grinning smiley grinning smiley



It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favour of vegetarianism, while the wolf remains of a different opinion.
William Ralph Inge

TANSTAAFL



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/08/2008 08:20PM by Vorpal_Rally.
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john vanlandingham
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 08, 2008 08:30PM
pikespeakgtx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Don't feel bad, it's not the first time.
> You should be used to it.

>
> He also said, A farmer learns more from a bad
> harvest than a good one.

You know if more people understood that simple concept we'd all be happier. And if more people understood when I'm saying that for example "I you rally a flimsy POS Nowigotcha GSZX-R with a 92" wheelbase, you're going to make huge problems for yourself" that the criticism is of the inherent qualities if the CAR (or the tranny or the brakes or whatever) and (since the subject is "the car or whatever) and the verb is 'rally' and the only reference to the person is in a qualifying provisional clause, there would a lot less people thinking I am "attacking them".

Alas, most people are looking to assert their maniness on the one hand and are hyper sensitive, and hyper vigilant to any affronts to their ego, and I guess are so ready to burst from repressing their sense of frustration, that anything which does not STROKE them, is by their definition a mortal insult, and they mistake efforts to guide them away from folly as attacks.
Certain geographic areas are more prone to other to make these types of errors, and certain social and economic classes are again more likely to see "threats" and "attacks" everywhere and project their sense of confusion and suspicion and ignorance outwards to the whole world.

Really a shame that so many are so insecure.







John Vanlandingham
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Jens
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 10, 2008 10:21PM
pikespeakgtx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Is it just me or could Jens (is it a dude or
> chick?) say any more of the wrong things?


Jens is a Scandinavian male name. Just what is a pikespeakgtx? Why do you hide behind a nickname rather than using your real name?



> 1. The energy drink tastes like crap but they're
> footing the bill..

Footing the bill for who? You? Did they buy you a new Subaru?



> 3. I love rally so rally should love me? Jens
> sounds like a spoiled bitch.


I wish I was a spoiled bitch.



>...How come there's like 3 hits on google
> pertaining to Jens Larson


Who is Jens Larson? I'm Jens Larsen.

Back in the good ol' days of rallying I didn't use my first name "Jens", because I had to spend way too much time pronouncing, spelling, and explaining the name to morons like you.


>....Jens Larson had a whooping total of 2
> points in the SCCA ProRally championship in the
> year 2000, a DNF in Maine Rally.....

I think I got a couple of points for showing up. BTW: that was my only DNF... EVER.


As for googling.... Ah... well... there was a universe before the internet. Wikipedia or google the word "universe" and see there is something bigger than a few drug dealer sponsored Subarus.







Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/10/2008 10:21PM by Jens.
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pikespeakgtx
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 14, 2008 11:43PM
Hey Jens, I didn't mean anything by what I said. I made those comments not realizing that it was an April fool joke.

Also I wasn't making gender jokes about your name. I was unclear whether or not it was a male or female name that's all. Being an American I've never heard the name before and I assure you I'm not a moron.

Please re-read the first post carefully and realize I made the comments from what was posted "that you said". My sincere apologies.





Michael LeCompte
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Jens
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 15, 2008 08:38PM
pikespeakgtx Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>.....My sincere apologies.


Love means never having to say you're sorry.






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pikespeakgtx
Michael LeCompte
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Re: Jens has succombed to the dark side
April 15, 2008 09:31PM
That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.



Michael LeCompte
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