A new wrinkle has emerged in the dismantling of General Motors subsidiary SAAB, bringing rare encouraging news to the brand's legions of dedicated fans.
Chinese state-owned Beijing Automotive Industry Holdings (BAIC) has announced the savior of several classic SAAB models in partnership with a small auto part designer and producer with ties to both China and the Evergreen State.
Sino-Seattle based JVAB Imports, in conjunction with BAIC, will reintroduce what principal John Vanlandingham calls "the second coolest car ever made" -- The SAAB 96.
Intended to be sold in knock-down kit-car form, the new JVAB 69 - essentially a brand new SAAB 96 -- is to be made from tooling accidentally shipped to BAIC as part of the 9-3 and 9-5 deal.
"You see," said Vanlandingham, puffing on an unfiltered cigarette outside his Seattle shop, "GM was so eager to unload bits of SAAB after their 20 years of refookingdiculously bad management of the company, when the BAIC freighter showed up, they just shoved container after container of tooling in it. They just wanted it gone."
"A cousin of one of my brothers-in-law works for BAIC, and recognized the shape of a 96 fender in one of the stamping machines," Vanlandingham continued. "From photos sent to me, I was able to recognize the complete tooling for V4 96's, as well as 93's, 95's, and even those modern sheetbox 99's and 900's."
Vanlandingham's extended family quickly secured some factory space, and the first JVAB 69 bodyshells are due to land in the Port of Seattle on April 1, 2010. People with pricing inquiries should call JVAB at 206 431 9696 between 9 am and 9 pm Pacific Time, Vanlandingham said.
When asked about the prospect of new old SAABs coming to the North America, a General Motors spokesman said, "Shit, I thought the Volt tooling was supposed to go to China with that SAAB stuff...errrrr, no comment!"
Vanlandingham says there are plans in the works for more new bodyshells, JVAB 59's, 66's and 600's should reach US shores by early 2011. Some Sonett tooling was also recovered, but Vanlandingham said, "I fawking hate those fawking plastic things, but maybe I'll build some if Satch Carlson and a few other Sonett pervs send me a suitcase full of cash."
Rumors of a new spec 69 rally series have not been confirmed, but NASA Rallysport East director Anders Green was reportedly seen in a North Carolina emergency room having a melted cellular telephone removed from his ear.
Vanlandingham hopes for similar good fortune when Ford finishes plans to sell Sweden's other troubled automaker, Volvo, to another Chinese concern.
"Oh, I hope I can get my hands on the 242 tooling," Vanlandingham said. "I also read on a Swedish interweb board that Ford mothballed the tooling for the coolest car ever made, the Mark 2 Escort, in a Volvo warehouse somewhere."
Andrew Steere
Lyndeborough, NH
KB1PJY