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SAAB Saved -- For Immediate Release!!!

Posted by fiasco 
fiasco
Andrew Steere
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SAAB Saved -- For Immediate Release!!!
December 18, 2009 09:22PM
A new wrinkle has emerged in the dismantling of General Motors subsidiary SAAB, bringing rare encouraging news to the brand's legions of dedicated fans.

Chinese state-owned Beijing Automotive Industry Holdings (BAIC) has announced the savior of several classic SAAB models in partnership with a small auto part designer and producer with ties to both China and the Evergreen State.

Sino-Seattle based JVAB Imports, in conjunction with BAIC, will reintroduce what principal John Vanlandingham calls "the second coolest car ever made" -- The SAAB 96.

Intended to be sold in knock-down kit-car form, the new JVAB 69 - essentially a brand new SAAB 96 -- is to be made from tooling accidentally shipped to BAIC as part of the 9-3 and 9-5 deal.

"You see," said Vanlandingham, puffing on an unfiltered cigarette outside his Seattle shop, "GM was so eager to unload bits of SAAB after their 20 years of refookingdiculously bad management of the company, when the BAIC freighter showed up, they just shoved container after container of tooling in it. They just wanted it gone."

"A cousin of one of my brothers-in-law works for BAIC, and recognized the shape of a 96 fender in one of the stamping machines," Vanlandingham continued. "From photos sent to me, I was able to recognize the complete tooling for V4 96's, as well as 93's, 95's, and even those modern sheetbox 99's and 900's."

Vanlandingham's extended family quickly secured some factory space, and the first JVAB 69 bodyshells are due to land in the Port of Seattle on April 1, 2010. People with pricing inquiries should call JVAB at 206 431 9696 between 9 am and 9 pm Pacific Time, Vanlandingham said.

When asked about the prospect of new old SAABs coming to the North America, a General Motors spokesman said, "Shit, I thought the Volt tooling was supposed to go to China with that SAAB stuff...errrrr, no comment!"

Vanlandingham says there are plans in the works for more new bodyshells, JVAB 59's, 66's and 600's should reach US shores by early 2011. Some Sonett tooling was also recovered, but Vanlandingham said, "I fawking hate those fawking plastic things, but maybe I'll build some if Satch Carlson and a few other Sonett pervs send me a suitcase full of cash."

Rumors of a new spec 69 rally series have not been confirmed, but NASA Rallysport East director Anders Green was reportedly seen in a North Carolina emergency room having a melted cellular telephone removed from his ear.

Vanlandingham hopes for similar good fortune when Ford finishes plans to sell Sweden's other troubled automaker, Volvo, to another Chinese concern.

"Oh, I hope I can get my hands on the 242 tooling," Vanlandingham said. "I also read on a Swedish interweb board that Ford mothballed the tooling for the coolest car ever made, the Mark 2 Escort, in a Volvo warehouse somewhere."



Andrew Steere
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Anders Green
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Re: SAAB Saved -- For Immediate Release!!!
December 19, 2009 10:45PM
Of course, NASA Rally Sport can not make an official announcements at this point, as we have at least four or five big money deals hanging in the balance.

However, several "For immediate release" documents are ready for release, uh, soon. And when they come out, they will be very shiny, sparkly, and corporate friendly!

Anders
ps: I also cannot comment on several pallets of hats with strangely un-curved brims arriving at NRS HQ.



Grassroots rally. It's what I think about.
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Anders Green
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Re: SAAB Saved -- For Immediate Release!!!
December 22, 2009 07:42PM




Grassroots rally. It's what I think about.
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hudson
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Re: SAAB Saved -- For Immediate Release!!!
February 08, 2010 07:10PM
I got a good giggle out of this.. found it rather late however.



Andrew M
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DR1665
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Re: SAAB Saved -- For Immediate Release!!!
July 07, 2010 02:30PM
Bump!

You might have missed this, what with all the fanfare over GM's paying off all their loans plus interest early - or not really doing anything of the sort - but Spyker has recently completed the purchase of Saab from GM. Unlike the mouth-breathing charlatans in Detroit, Spyker actually did make the final payment on their deal and early.

They also plan to sell born from rockets Spykers alongside their slower, born from jets offerings in Saab dealerships.



(I want this instrument cluster.)


Now, if only they'd get wise and offer a 200hp, FWD 9-6, ja?



Brian Driggs | KG7KCA | PHX, AZ | 89 Pajero
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