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Put yer coffee down before reading

Posted by Jay 
Jay
Jay Woodward
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Jay
Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 08:45AM
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Rally_Racing

"“Did I write down that there was a small jump past turn 38?”
~ Dead guy on Rally Racing

“Smooth and steady. I'm Mr. Smooth, and you're Mr. Steady.”
~ Some retard on Rally Racing

Rallying is a form of motor competition that takes place on public or private roads with modified production or specially built road-legal cars - in other words, cars that totally flip out and roll down mountains if you can't control them, but will still leave you alive by the end."

It gets better. Read the related articles as well, the one on autocrossing is especially priceless...



Jay Woodward
Snohomish, WA
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fiasco
Andrew Steere
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 09:02AM
From what I've seen, I don't think the autocross one is really a parody. grinning smiley



Andrew Steere
Lyndeborough, NH
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Eddie Fiorelli
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 09:50AM
"Rallies may be won by pure driving prowess, a deathwish, or bribery."

Indeed, the parody aspect is questionable smiling smiley
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heymagic
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 10:03AM
Hi-frickin-larious. The guy definitely lost an autoX to a chick in an automatic Prelude. He seems bitter...
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Jay
Jay Woodward
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Jay
Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 10:03AM
Yes, the autox one is funny cuz it's so close to the truth...



Jay Woodward
Snohomish, WA
'90 Mazdog Frankenprotege
Chronologically, 46...
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john vanlandingham
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 11:39AM
Page won't open here in China, times out, cut and paste everything, please.



John Vanlandingham
Sleezattle, WA, USA

Vive le Prole-le-ralliat

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Jon Burke
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 11:42AM
Quote

Rallying is a form of motor competition that takes place on public or private roads with modified production or specially built road-legal cars - in other words, cars that totally flip out and roll down mountains if you can't control them, but will still leave you alive by the end. This is usually in isolated areas or obscure wilderness where the manager of the team despirately hope for the drivers to get lost. This motorsport is distinguished by running not on a circuit, but instead in a point-to-point format in which participants and their co-drivers drive between set control points (stages), leaving at regular intervals from one or more start points. Rallies may be won by pure driving prowess, a deathwish, or bribery. It is a "sport" that is least watched due to a lack of competition. The "racing" is only one car on the track trying to achieve the best crash. For this reason, many spectator deaths occur then the spectator falls asleep watching one car go by another and falling over the railing.

Of all the disciplines of racing, Rallying is the only race form that requires the drivers to have superpowers. In order to compete the driver must have: super reflexes, super eyesight, and the power to excrete money (because cars never survive from a rally race, even if they're still technically in one piece).
Rally car on children's video game cover.
Rally car on children's video game cover.
[edit] Rally Drivers

* Chuck Norris: He has never lost a rally.....ever.

* Superman: A once-glorified rally driver; unfortunately disqualified for life because it was discovered that he could (and would) carry his car instead of driving it.

* Master Chief: A fairly skilled driver whose fame mainly stems from his nigh-invincible racing vehicles.

* Mario Mario: Mario has yet to finish well in the races. He has problems dodging boulders that keep falling down on his car.

[edit] Known Rally Environments

* Wilderness
* Tameness
* Isolated islands
* Isolated planets
* Minefields
* No-man's land
* Inside volcanoes
* Inside oceans
* Inside the human psyche
* The middle of BFE





Jon Burke - KI6LSW
Blog: http://psgrallywrx.blogspot.com/
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Jay
Jay Woodward
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Jay
Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 12:04PM
John you'll just hafta wait till you're home to read the other ones, the article on F1 is even more biting than this one or the one on autocross...



Jay Woodward
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Chronologically, 46...
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Eddie Fiorelli
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 02, 2008 02:54PM
john vanlandingham Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Page won't open here in China, times out, cut and
> paste everything, please.
>
> John Vanlandingham
> Sleezattle, WA, USA
>
> Vive le Prole-le-ralliat
>
> www.jvab.f4.ca

Wait, Rally Anarchy isn't blocked in China? We're not trying hard enough boys!!!!


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Bruce Beauvais
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 03, 2008 04:27PM
Jay Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> John you'll just hafta wait till you're home to
> read the other ones, the article on F1 is even
> more biting than this one or the one on
> autocross...
>
> Jay Woodward
> Snohomish, WA
> '90 Mazdog Frankenprotege
> Chronologically, 40...

WHich means that you haven't checked the NASCAR article.Sure to get yer redneck up.




Bruce Beauvais
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Porter
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 03, 2008 06:57PM
The problem with info like this is. People with no clue will beleave this. As we all know. The interweb is never wrong. LOL.
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Sofa King
Monika Hawkinson
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 03, 2008 08:48PM
Porter Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> The problem with info like this is. People with
> no clue will beleave this. As we all know. The
> interweb is never wrong. LOL.
Are you perhaps implying that there would be any amount of falseness in those pages?






Monika Hawkinson
Seattle, WA
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DR1665
Brian Driggs
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Re: Put yer coffee down before reading
July 05, 2008 05:53PM
Oh my. The NASCAR one was the best by far.

2. Another common yet outlandish theory about NASCAR is that it is actually a sport and/or fun to watch.

And...

NASCAR once stood for Nasty Assholes Speeding Cars Around Racetracks but was changed to the current Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks in 1922.

Excellent!



Brian Driggs | KG7KCA | PHX, AZ | 89 Pajero
alterius non sit qui suus esse potest
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